Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since birth. I cannot be bested.
Some horsecock motherfucker:
Knight: … What the fuck
OH FUCK YES I GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS.
For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes, this is called a Lantern Shield.
This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other, and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors, and said “WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS”, which is, as we all know, Aunt Jemima’s recipe for success.
Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels. Now, you’re wondering, why carry a lantern on a night duel when it could just prove detrimental to your overall movement? Why, to blind the mother fucker, of course! But, see, and this is the funny thing about Italy, when Italian blacksmiths realized that they could just add a hook to a buckler, they noticed they could also just add whatever the thrice condemned shit they wanted to them, so they started forging stakes, spikes, and blades that protruded out of the buckler and gauntlet as additional defense against anyone who, due to the poor visibility of mist shrouded, dark blanketed nights, would just walk right into your handheld barracks.
I mean, nothing better than a bloke closing the distance to you losing an eye or six because they didn’t consider you might just carry a porcupine on your arm, right?
Some specimens exists, but these are not numerous. If you know of or possess an actual, physical Lantern Shield, congratulations, you probably have an item that likely killed.
Given the fact that yeah, you’d need to be completely demented and more than a bit overdramatic to come up with something like this, I’m 100% unsurprised this shield also appears in medieval Russia.
this image actually makes complete sense & that is a fucking trip & a half.
You can take it back even further to the Archudke’s assassin just bumping into him deciding to get a sandwich. One man’s need for lunch 100 years ago gave rise to tentacle porn half the world away. What a world.
Is anybody going to explain?
No? Okay.
1. Archduke Ferndinand is murdered, causing World War 1.
2. The Allies win WW1, imposing the Treaty of Versailles on Germany.
3. This causes tension between Germany and the rest of Europe, something Adolf Hitler takes advantage of and begins WW2.
4. Japan joins the axis in WW2 in order to expand their empire.
5. The Axis is defeated, and Japan comes under US occupation.
6. American soldiers bring comic books, cartoons, and other American mediums to Japan which stay behind even after the occupation is over.
7. Post-WW2 Japan imposes strict censorship laws that include the banning of most conventional porn.
8. Japanese citizens retaliate by drawing comics with women having sex with vaguely penis-shaped objects like tentacles to exploit loopholes in the law.
9. It establishes itself as a fetish even after the laws are relaxed, and so Hentai was born.
Anonymous
